Overly Demanding Donors - Some Sage guidance

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It's a thin line that improvement professionals walk when establishing comfortable limits in interactions with donors and prospects - even as we try to get them to tell us all and whatever about themselves. We know that studying more about donors and prospects adds to our potential as improvement professionals - the more we know, the easier it is to help donors make gifts that work for them as well as our charity. But be sure you are comfortable as a relationship progresses.

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Naturally, as part of the cultivation and stewardship process, we try to be informative, considerate, patient, amiable and helpful. After all, our donors are also our ambassadors and production them happy about our charity and staff is all part of the improvement process.

Generally speaking, this does not include:

sending out an exorbitant estimate of notifications concerning a small token tribute gift;helping donors move from their home (even if they donated it to your charity);calling a very long list of strangers to see if they're coming to a incommunicable birthday party and advise they make birthday gifts to your charity;picking up person from the airport (unless you're planning to solicit this "captive audience" in the car);chauffeuring donors to events you're not also personally attending;back-dating gift receipts (also not legal);spending an hour on the phone, daily, with the same caller (no matter how lonely); stopping what you're doing to attend to a minor invite that can regularly wait;and whatever else that donors or prospects may unthinkingly question that has microscopic or nothing to do with charitable intent.

At some time in your vocation you will find yourself dealing with situations provocative an overly demanding donor or two (or three, etc.). Some are perfectly lovely habitancy who do not comprehend that your time is already stretched to the limit and some are less aware individuals who may have misguided perceptions of what is appropriate, and some are just incredibly demanding. Regardless, all have to be dealt with in a way that hopefully keeps them happy ambassadors but doesn't intrude on you professionally or personally.

There is a celebrated line from the late poet laureate Robert Frost's poem Mending Wall, which reads "good fences make good neighbors." As improvement professionals, we can also say that establishing uncostly and realistic perimeters and barriers make good donor/prospect relations.

Always keep in mind that charitable intent is celebrated in every situation. By maintaining a pro mindset, we can more indubitably see which donor actions are truly gift linked and which are plainly over-the-top. If you stand on the side of the "fence" of fundraising professional, you should be able to build solid relationships and not get caught up in uncomfortable situations. Of course, you may truly want to help a donor out but be specific of the tone you set. A diplomatic decline to an outrageous request, or vice versa, can set the pattern from the start. You can also toss the ball back over the fence by suggesting a way to "outsource" their invite to a more uncostly venue, such as a messenger service, taxi service, personal assistant, etc. Be sympathetic to the invite but handle your response carefully. If a qoute develops, you may need the aid and guidance of a more senior person in your organization. If you are the senior person, seek a board member's help. As the pro improvement person, you indubitably are the one who can control the relationship, at least when it comes to overly demanding donors.

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